My True Identity Transcript

 [Thomas]: Ah! YouTube time. Um... okay, you guys watch the title sequence and I will sleep in a couple more seconds. SNOOZE!

*logo*

[Thomas]: What is up, everyone! Man, those extra seconds really worked magic. So, being online as much as I am I tend to overshare everything about myself. You may know of my love of theater, my enthusiasm for cartoons, and of course... my passion for pizza! But even though I talk about these things a lot, I get questions from people all the time asking very in-depth, thought-provoking questions about myself that are actually really difficult for me to answer accurately. Do I really know myself as well as I should? On top of that, I get messages from people who are also having trouble figuring themselves out. Personal identity is something I think everyone struggles with at one time or another. So, I figure, why not go on this adventure together? I need to have a sit-down with myself, figure myself out, and maybe come to a better understanding that we all could learn from! Let’s do this!

[???]: Hello there, class!

[Thomas]: There is no class here.

[???]: Yes, there is.

[Thomas]: Whatever. This is my intellectual side. Every fact I’ve ever learned.

[Intellectual Side]: Believe it or not, I was quite the nerd in school.

[Thomas]: I’m pretty sure that’s a surprise to no one.

[???]: Greetings, wonderful citizens and you nerds!

[Intellectual Side]: Hi.

[Thomas]: This is my fanciful side. All my dreams, my hopes, and my creativity.

[Fanciful Side]: Not to mention your love of Disney songs! ♪ Do you want to build a snowman? ♪

[Thomas]: Nope. Not right now.

[Intellectual Side]: Why that song?

[???]: What’s going on kiddos?

[Thomas]: And finally, this is my moral side. My sense of right and wrong that I’ve learned ever since I was a kid from my own parental units.

[Moral Side]: I also represent your unabashed love of dad jokes.

[Intellectual Side]: Dad jokes.

[Fanciful Side]: Dad jokes.

[Moral Side]: Mm-hmm.

[Thomas]: Dad jokes.

[Moral Side]: Woah, is there four people in here or is it just me?

[Fanciful Side]: ...Ah, I got it.

[Intellectual Side]: -sigh-

[Thomas]: That was a thinker. I like it.

[Intellectual Side]: So, what are we all doing here?

[Thomas]: Well, people know me from all the Vines that I make, but I don’t think people really KNOW me know me.

[Fanciful Side]: Well maybe they would if you post YouTube videos more often...

[Intellectual Side]: Oooh...

[Moral Side]: Oh my... Whoop! There it is!

[Thomas]: Okay, alright, that’s fair... But I don’t even know if I know me. There’s some things that I think even I need to figure out about my own identity. Like, okay, relationships.

[Fanciful Side]: Ah! Romance!

[Thomas]: Yes, but where do I stand in those regards?

[Fanciful Side]: I have a pretty ideal vision of love... There's someone out there for me... One true love...

[Intellectual Side]: But you tend to overthink things, rule out possibilities with logic, dream up obstacles with each new connection you make...

[Thomas]: And that when the anxiety kicks in. Maybe that’s why I haven’t found a person for me yet.

[Moral Side]: But that’s okay. The important thing to keep in mind is nobody’s perfect. Everyone comes with their own flaws.

[Thomas]: Including me.

[Fanciful Side]: Yes, someone will accept us flaws and all. Until that day I shall learn to love... myself.

[Thomas]: Yes, that’s definitely important. Flaws and all. Speaking of which...

[Intellectual Side]: Um... Are we bringing up flaws now? Because if so,

[Thomas]: Oh, uh...

[Intellectual Side]: (continuing) get ready to take a lot of notes. Okay, you ready? Here we go. You procrastinate A LOT.

[Moral Side]: You can be a bit selfish with your food and your other belongings...

[Fanciful Side]: You’re definitely not the most adventurous person...

[Thomas]: Okay, maybe this was a bad idea; I’m supposed to be learning to love myself.

[Intellectual Side]: Ah, but remember, everyone has flaws.

[Moral Side]: At the same time focus on your good attributes.

[Fanciful Side]: You value your relationships with your friends above all else!

[Moral Side]: You believe there’s good in everyone.

[Intellectual Side]: And when you set your sights on doing something, you put all of your energy into it to make it the best it possibly can BE.

[Thomas]: Well, that’s very nice of you guys.

[Moral Side]: Well, it’s important to be nice to ourselves and cut ourselves some slack every once in a while...

[Fanciful Side]: Wouldn’t want to be our own villain would we?

[Thomas]: Okay, true. What else do I need to figure out?

[Intellectual Side]: Biggest fear?

[Moral Side]: Spiders...

[Fanciful Side]: REJECTION!

[Intellectual Side]: What exactly is at the bottom of the ocean?

[Thomas]: No, no! We are not talking about fears! I am well aware of those. I am talking about what I need to figure out about myself.

[Fanciful Side]: Well, what do you wish to look for in a relationship? What are you hoping to gain from having another person in your life?

[Thomas]: Um. I don’t know. Someone who’s a nice compliment to me, someone who wants a long stable relationship, someone who indulges in the same sense of humor, and um. someone who can binge-watch cartoons with me.

[Intellectual Side]: With everything you’ve learned what do you wish to do with your education?

[Thomas]: Ooh... I am not sure... I’d love to figure out ways to help the environment. Science was always my strong point and I love chemistry.

[Moral Side]: What positive impacts do you inevitably hope to bring to this world?

[Thomas]: Wow, that was a surprisingly deep and poignant quest-

[Moral Side]: HEY! We have the same glasses!

[Intellectual Side]: Yep.

[Thomas]: Okay, well... I think just being able to put out silly light-hearted content into the world is kind of a good start. It makes me really happy to do that.

[Intellectual Side]: Well there you go. A good foundation.

[Thomas]: Yeah true, these are good things to be in touch with. And I’m sure there are some of you out there who have other, very different, maybe even more difficult questions about yourself. Maybe about your gender, or your sexuality.

[Fanciful Side]: Yes, who may be your love, or do you want love at all?

[Intellectual Side]: What do you want your future to be or even what do you want to do tomorrow?

[Moral Side]: And where do babies come from?

[Fanciful Side]: You serious?

[Intellectual Side]: Wha? You’re a father.

[Moral Side]: I know it’s got something to do with storks, um, but after that, I, uh...

[Thomas]: Okay, well, only he’s confused about that, but yes, figuring out your own identity can take a long time. You may know yourself at an early age, or you may be still figuring yourself out well into adulthood.

[Intellectual Side]: But there’s no time limit for these questions.

[Fanciful Side]: Getting to know yourself can be quite the awesome adventure and hopefully it’s an adventure that never ends.

[Moral Side]: And no matter what, no one knows you better than yourself. Am I right, Tony?

[Thomas]: Not my name.

[Moral Side]: Then what is it?

[Thomas]: Okay, that was a very enlightening experience, but I think that’s enough for one night. It’s a little weird to be talking to myself so much. Right, Sacagawea?

[Sacagawea]: I’m your pet hamster and I’m pretty sure this is even weirder.

[Thomas]: True. You’re right. You’re always right... I hope you guys enjoyed this little journey into my identity. Say goodbye, everyone!

[Intellectual Side]: Class dismissed!

[Fanciful Side]: ♪ Goodbye! ♪

[Moral Side]: Let me know when this gets put up on the YouTubes.

[Thomas]: Will do. And until next time, take it easy guys, gals, and non-binary pals. PEACE OUT!

*end card*

[Fanciful Side]: Say, you know what would be fun fellas? If we did one of those four-part harmony song videos like Jon Cozart or Todrick Hall!

[Intellectual Side]: Um, no. You know you would just end up embarrassing yourself.

[Thomas]: Well I don’t know about that-

[Moral Side]: Hey, I am down to do that! Sign me up. -laughs-

[Fanciful Side]: Yeah you know what, you’re right. You're right.

[Thomas]: On second thought, it was a bad idea.

[Moral Side]: Ah, okay. Well, you kiddos give your old dad a like and subscribe. That’s right! I’m learning how to do promos! Got a couple more... you know... old tricks up my sleeve! I’m learnin’... I’m learnin’... Whoo. You know what that just tired me out. *giggle* I’m gonna take a nap. Take a nap for about... two hours. Take a nap.